Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
