Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
