my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
