What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
