considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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