were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
