Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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