we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your penis caused this!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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