zippers are such a cool invention
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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