This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
