I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
