So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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