Sponge bath it is.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
