She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
