what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
