Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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