i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm having to shit out rocks
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