I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
