What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
