thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
