Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
