so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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