Come see our sink grown plant.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
