He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The air was thick with penises
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
