ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
