end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
