So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
