I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
