Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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