I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How does it feel to date your dad?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
