I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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