Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
