you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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