I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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