i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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