If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
