i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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