If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
