I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
