I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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