she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
