he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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