I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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