Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
