I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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