Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sext me about skeletons
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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