dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
