Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
