i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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