the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
