I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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