I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
