im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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