i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
