goodnight i made you a song goodbye
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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