We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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