Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
