So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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