I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize