According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
