I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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