thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
