Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
