Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
