SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
