So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
