Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
