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I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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