everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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