I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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