Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You've changed since you got that strap on
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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