Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
